Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
