He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
