your parents love me but you hate me
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
