I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
