respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize