I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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