i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
