She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
