i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
