Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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