I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
