i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
