Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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