It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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