I want to stick my p in your. b.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
