Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
