'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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