this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
