Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
