so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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