I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
