I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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