Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I love you. Go after that dick
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
