hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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