JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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