its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
