i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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