There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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