I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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