He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
