I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
