i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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