when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
