I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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