Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
