I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
