I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
