I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
