he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
my shit smells like andre
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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