I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We left an ass print on the piano.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
