Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
