I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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