3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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