I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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