i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
