It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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