in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize