I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
