Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
