Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
