A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
