Three words: puerto rican gang bang
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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