He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
This couple is walking their pig around campus
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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