its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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