I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
this just has baby written all over it
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
