I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
