Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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