Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
