she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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