I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
