Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
