Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
did you just send me my own nude
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
