You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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