apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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