I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Randomize
