mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
