My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
