I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just want to make out with him forever
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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