And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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