So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
