Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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