i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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