Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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