My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
