Where did you get a picture of my penis
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Can I color on your dick again?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
